{"id":52671,"date":"2026-08-25T14:41:23","date_gmt":"2026-08-25T12:41:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/?p=52671"},"modified":"2026-08-25T14:41:24","modified_gmt":"2026-08-25T12:41:24","slug":"leadership-isnt-about-being-liked-heres-why-thats-so-hard-to-accept","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/leadership\/leadership-isnt-about-being-liked-heres-why-thats-so-hard-to-accept\/","title":{"rendered":"Leadership Isn&#8217;t About Being Liked \u2014 Here&#8217;s Why That&#8217;s So Hard to Accept"},"content":{"rendered":"<article class=\"wp-block-group niv-post\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"niv-kicker wp-block-paragraph\">LEADERSHIP \u00b7 NIV NICOLAS NOWBAKHT<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"niv-subline wp-block-paragraph\">If you&#8217;re leading a team and still asking &#8220;do they like me?&#8221; \u2014 you&#8217;re optimizing for the wrong outcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list niv-takeaways\">\n<li>Drucker: leadership is defined by results, not by being liked or giving good speeches<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If &#8220;Please People&#8221; is your inner driver, this isn&#8217;t just advice \u2014 it&#8217;s the exact pattern working against you<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The driver model shows you where your leadership leverage points actually are<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Recognizing your driver also tells you how you handle stress \u2014 and what breaks first under pressure<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>&#8220;Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results, not attributes.&#8221; \u2014 Peter Drucker<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Most new leaders don&#8217;t hear this until it&#8217;s already cost them something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Trap That Looks Like Good Leadership<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Somewhere along the way, a lot of people absorb an unspoken rule: if your team likes you, you&#8217;re doing it right. So new leaders soften feedback, avoid hard calls, keep the peace. It feels like leadership. It often isn&#8217;t \u2014 it&#8217;s conflict avoidance wearing a leadership costume.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Picture it concretely:<\/strong> a team member consistently misses deadlines. The &#8220;liked&#8221; version of you finds a reason to let it slide again. The effective version has the conversation \u2014 even though it&#8217;s uncomfortable, even though it might cost you a bit of warmth in the room that week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Leadership Driver Behind &#8220;Please People&#8221;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>What is the driver model?<\/strong> In Transactional Analysis, the driver model (developed by Taibi Kahler) describes five inner patterns we develop early in life to feel okay: Be Perfect, Please People, Try Hard, Be Strong, Hurry Up. Everyone runs on a mix, usually with one or two dominant \u2014 and each one has a predictable blind spot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If <strong>Please People<\/strong> is one of your drivers, Drucker&#8217;s quote isn&#8217;t just a leadership tip \u2014 it&#8217;s pointing directly at the pattern steering your decisions. You&#8217;re not randomly avoiding hard conversations. You&#8217;re running a deeply practiced program that equates being liked with being safe. (If a different driver runs the show for you \u2014 Be Perfect, Try Hard, whichever \u2014 the same principle applies: the quote is pointing at your specific pattern, not just this one.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That&#8217;s actually useful news, not bad news. Once you know which driver is running the show, you know exactly where your leverage point is: not &#8220;try harder to be a tougher leader&#8221; \u2014 but &#8220;notice the moment the Please-People-reflex kicks in, and choose deliberately instead of automatically.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Your driver also shapes how you handle stress<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Drivers don&#8217;t just show up in calm moments \u2014 they intensify under pressure. A Please-People leader under stress often over-accommodates, overcommits, and avoids the one conversation that would actually reduce the pressure. Knowing your driver means you can spot that spiral early, instead of only recognizing it after burnout.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Popularity and Respect Are Not the Same Currency<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can be well-liked and ineffective. You can be respected and, at times, unpopular. Drucker&#8217;s point isn&#8217;t &#8220;don&#8217;t care about people&#8221; \u2014 it&#8217;s that <strong>the measure of leadership is what your team actually produces and becomes, not how they feel about you in any given meeting.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The best leaders I&#8217;ve worked with aren&#8217;t cold. They&#8217;re clear. They tell people what&#8217;s actually true, set real expectations, and follow through \u2014 and over time, that clarity earns something more durable than being liked: trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What This Means for You If You&#8217;re Leading Right Now<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"niv-pullquote wp-block-paragraph\">Are you managing for approval, or for outcomes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That&#8217;s not a trick question, and the honest answer is often &#8220;a bit of both, more approval than I&#8217;d like to admit.&#8221; That&#8217;s normal \u2014 and worth noticing before it quietly shapes every hard decision you avoid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I&#8217;m Niv Nicolas Nowbakht, career and leadership coach based in Berlin and Barcelona. I work with leaders on exactly this: identifying which driver is running the show, and turning that into real leverage for how you lead and how you handle pressure. If this is where you are right now, the free <strong>&#8220;Futureproof Your Leadership&#8221;<\/strong> webinar is a good first step. <a href=\"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/veranstaltungen-2\/veranstaltungen-human-os-fuhrung-webinar\/?utm_source=blog&amp;utm_medium=website&amp;utm_campaign=webinar&amp;utm_content=drucker-driver-post\">Save your free spot in the Leadership webinar &rarr;<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"niv-cta\"><strong>Prefer to talk it through directly? Book your free 30-minute Clarity Call.<\/strong><p>We&#8217;ll look at your driver pattern and where the real leverage for your leadership is \u2014 no pitch, no commitment.<\/p><div class=\"fcal_cal_wrap fcal-light-mode\">\n    <div class=\"fluent_booking_app\" data-calendar_id=\"2\"\n         data-event_id=\"2\"><\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n<style>\n    .fcal_phone_wrapper .flag {\n        background: url(https:\/\/niv-now.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/fluent-booking\/assets\/images\/flags_responsive.png) no-repeat;\n        background-size: 100%;\n    }\n<\/style>\n<\/div>\n\n<div style=\"display:flex;align-items:center;gap:16px;margin-top:2em;padding:20px 24px;background:#f5f2eb;border-radius:4px;\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Niv-foto-1.jpeg\" alt=\"Niv Nicolas Nowbakht, Karriere- und F\u00fchrungscoach in Berlin\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 800px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 800\/800;width:60px;height:60px;border-radius:50%;object-fit:cover;flex-shrink:0;margin:0;\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><div><p style=\"margin:0;font-family:-apple-system,sans-serif;font-weight:700;font-size:15px;color:#1a1a2e;\">Niv Nicolas Nowbakht<\/p><p style=\"margin:4px 0 0;font-family:-apple-system,sans-serif;font-size:14px;color:#555;line-height:1.4;\">ICF-zertifizierter Karriere- und F\u00fchrungscoach, Berlin \u00b7 \u00dcber 12 Jahre Erfahrung \u00b7 M.A. Kommunikationswissenschaft<\/p><\/div><\/div>\n\n<style>\n.niv-post{font-family:Georgia,serif;font-size:18px;line-height:1.8;color:#1a1a2e;max-width:760px;margin:0 auto}\n.niv-kicker{font-family:-apple-system,sans-serif;font-size:13px;font-weight:500;letter-spacing:.1em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#888;margin-bottom:8px}\n.niv-subline{font-size:21px;font-style:italic;color:#444;line-height:1.6;margin-bottom:2em;padding-bottom:1.5em;border-bottom:1px solid #e8e4db}\n.niv-pullquote{font-size:22px;font-style:italic;color:#2c2c2a;border-left:3px solid #c4a882;padding-left:1.2em;margin:2em 0;line-height:1.5}\n.niv-takeaways{margin:1em 0 2em;padding-left:1.3em}\n.niv-takeaways li{font-size:16px;color:#444;line-height:1.7;margin-bottom:.5em}\n.niv-takeaways li::marker{color:#c4a882}\n.niv-cta{background:#FFF4DF;color:#002060;border-radius:4px;padding:2em 2.25em;margin-top:3em;border:1px solid #FFAD00;border-top:4px solid #FFAD00}\n.niv-cta strong{display:block;font-size:18px;margin-bottom:.75em;color:#002060}\n.niv-cta p{font-size:16px;color:#002060;margin-bottom:1.25em;line-height:1.75}\n.niv-disclaimer{font-size:14px;color:#888;margin-top:2em;padding-top:1.5em;border-top:1px solid #e8e4db}\n<\/style>\n<\/div><\/article>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>LEADERSHIP \u00b7 NIV NICOLAS NOWBAKHT If you&#8217;re leading a team and still asking &#8220;do they like me?&#8221; \u2014 you&#8217;re optimizing for the wrong outcome. &#8220;Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results, not attributes.&#8221; \u2014 Peter Drucker Most new leaders don&#8217;t hear this until it&#8217;s already cost them &#8230; <a title=\"Leadership Isn&#8217;t About Being Liked \u2014 Here&#8217;s Why That&#8217;s So Hard to Accept\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/leadership\/leadership-isnt-about-being-liked-heres-why-thats-so-hard-to-accept\/\" aria-label=\"Mehr Informationen \u00fcber Leadership Isn&#8217;t About Being Liked \u2014 Here&#8217;s Why That&#8217;s So Hard to Accept\">Weiterlesen<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":52673,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"slim_seo":{"title":"Leadership Isn't About Being Liked \u2014 Here's Why That's So Hard to Accept - Career &amp; Business Coach Berlin | Niv Now","description":"LEADERSHIP \u00b7 NIV NICOLAS NOWBAKHT If you're leading a team and still asking \"do they like me?\" \u2014 you're optimizing for the wrong outcome. \"Effective leadership"},"iawp_total_views":0,"_slim_seo_primary_term_category":0,"_slim_seo_primary_term_post_tag":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52671","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-leadership"],"meta_box":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52671","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=52671"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52671\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":52674,"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52671\/revisions\/52674"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/52673"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=52671"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=52671"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niv-now.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=52671"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}